Do You Believe in Signs?
Despite the floods, broken rail tracks, cancelled trains and a severe lack of coffee, I was finally nearing London, halfway to a meeting where I would be seeing my first ever book drafted in print, I mean who even am I?
My throat slightly tightens with an ache, sparking memories of a time where my mental illness was breaking me, barely navigating through the day at work. I’d put my best fake smile on as I walked into – what felt like at times – the playground of the office, wondering ‘who would I need to impress to stay in the popular crowd, whilst holding my sh*t together?’.
Today I wasn’t getting off at the usual London Bridge stop, I was moving on through to something that felt equally scary than those times. I was leaning into a dream that involved me taking one the biggest risks of my life. ‘Why the hell did I think I could even do this?’ Crossed my mind.
Knowing we would pass over the Thames; I would shortly gaze to the right and see the world that signifies the grey suit bustle at the Isle of Dogs. Canary Wharf towering high as usual, leading the pack of buildings all soaked in the financial cosmos that makes the world apparently go round.
This view represented twenty-three years of my life. I’d spent as much time, trying to disrupt the norm of all things corporate in my own creative way and for most of those years, I’d felt like a square peg in a round hole. It hadn’t been all bad, I’d gained friends, it paid the bills, and the added benefits kept me cushioned and safe; oh, blimey how great does it feel to be safe?
But here I was, making progress on a project that felt far from comfortable, in fact some would say rather audacious to even put myself out there, but I was semi-managing the self- doubt and at least trying. I somehow felt like this moment coming up over the river was a metaphorical wave goodbye to the old me and hello to jacking it all in to be an author.
TAKE COURAGE
Just as I had this thought, I looked down from the window and noticed a building I had never once seen before. It was nestled in the houses to the right of the tracks, my eyes taking in the mottled and aged white letters on the old blue paint, the bricks beneath poking through. It read, ‘TAKE COURAGE’. Has the Universe Got My Back? I immediately felt a sense of calm as a smile reached my face, wondering how many times I’d passed this place and not seen this ghost sign before.
I’m sensible enough to know that even around 1955 when this sign was hand painted as an advertisement, its purpose would have been for some sort of phycological impact. But imagine how many people would have, and still will take solace in reading that sign when they pass. This was marketing not a miracle of course, but what I find interesting is how my need to be comforted or reminded in that exact moment was answered in an unexpected way. Had I simply sat on the opposite side of the train, or had my face in my phone all these years? Or was this a little nudge from something bigger? Either way taking a breath as the train crossed the water through Blackfriars, I looked towards Docklands with courage to move on.
Is Seeing Believing?
I believe in the energy of the universe and that we’re all part of it. I feel like sometimes this swirling energy collides whilst it tries to find alignment, aiming to match frequencies and vibrations. Whether that’s finding our soul mate, a song touching us in a way we can’t explain, or how a tree has made its home on the most remote mountain yet is thriving – as if this was all meant to be. There must be a reason why everything ends up just as it is, yet we can’t fathom them, they are just unexplainable – and I’m ok with that.
I’m also a believer that we all hold our own miracle force inside us and whilst we unconsciously consume so much unhelpful external data, all contributing to the stories we tell ourselves, (think me needing to impress in the office), we also actively look outside of ourselves for answers we already know – if only we’d connect within.
Our own bodies already do amazing things, that gut feeling when something is a-miss for example, or the butterflies we experience when we meet someone special, all signalling what might be to come. For some of us the validation of the odd sign helps us through life, equally if white feathers aren’t your thing, you’ll do just fine too.
Some might say we see only what we want to see, that our reality is our own creation based on the information we absorb consciously or unconsciously. We could question that something delivered by the universe is not proven or tangible, yet my thoughts go to the feelings we have and the actions we take with each other based on love, which itself is an unseen, intangible energy…it is only our feelings and actions that make it real. So, I guess we are only in control of what we think and how we act upon anything.
‘Signs are not the world speaking to you, they are you speaking through the world. Listen to them but take responsibility’.
This is a quote by writer and Strategist Kyle Hauptfleich. This really struck me deeply, reminding me – as a believer that we are a universal energy force – of course our own inner thoughts are going to play out externally in other things like painted buildings! Circling back if, and when we need. And perhaps those who walk confidently in their own thoughts without the need to believe in external signs may just be connecting to themselves and the signals within.
Take Courage and Responsibility
In my opinion it doesn’t matter what each of us believes, who are we to know truly what another feels internally? What’s important, is how we choose to use the thoughts and actions we have. When life is at a point where courage is needed, hold steady, dig in and take responsibility for how you’ll play it out.
Who knows whether this author thing will work out for me, all I do know is that I have an internal desire to write, a strong belief that my words help some people and from today, a lovely little sign of validation to ‘TAKE’ action on the ‘COURAGE’, that I knew I already had!